Thursday, May 31, 2012

Why Women Love Jerks

The mystery of all mysteries; why women love jerks. It's as confusing and frustrating for the women as it is for the nice guys. The qualities that women want/need don't always match up to what they pick in life. Guys need to give girls a break because it takes experience and maturity for 'anyone' to find their right path. Men complain incessantly that all women love the jerks, but all men are attracted to the simple-minded hot girls. The two problems are roots from the same tree. A woman is attracted to a jerk the same way a guy is attracted to a gorgeous girl. So, the next time a guy complains about women always dating douches, remind them they are attracted to beautiful bimbos as well. 

I know a lot of friends who never struggled with liking the bad boys, but they must have super powers or something (right!). For many of us, we were launched into the dating world with little knowledge to arm us. But we can't learn the big lessons vicariously through others, it takes our own experiences to mature and grow as individuals. So, my point is that dating the bad boys is part of our path to our ultimate dream man. BUT don't make it a habit to only date bad boys, because at some point you become a 'jerk addict'. There isn't a rule of thumb to measure if a woman is just innocently dabbling with bad boys or dangerously hooked. Only a woman can know for herself if she is experimenting or flailing. 

My post is in defense of all women who have dated or are currently dating a jerk. There are many reasons why women are very attracted to jerks. But with maturity and experience a woman will find she needs more from a man than a jerk can provide. Just the same way men discover that pretty faces with hollow heads aren't someone they can spend their life with. 

What is Attractive about Jerks?
1. The relationship is highly addictive. The highs are extremely high and the lows are debilitatingly low. She loves the roller coaster ride she gets with being with a man whom she can't predict and can't control. The same addiction can be seen with drug addicts and gamblers. The problem is different but the concept is the same. If you find yourself bored by 'nice guys' it's probably because you want the thrill of the chase and the uncertainty of his love. 

2. They come off as confident and dominant. Two qualities that women instinctively look for in a mate. But not all jerks are truly confident, but even the pseudo-confidence is enough to swoon a woman. A woman wants a man who will stand up to her and not be submissive. And jerks will never be doormats. 

3. The Challenge. A woman loves wondering and thinking about another man. A jerk can keep a woman's attention for long periods of time because he poses a conundrum to her. This is especially attractive to beautiful girls who are used to guys falling all over them. Our brains interpret anything that isn't easy to obtain as something worth securing and keeping. 

4. Women fall for personalties not bodies. Sure a Brad Pitt will win the ladies but if he has an unattractive personality he won't be successful. A man will see a beautiful woman and fall in love but a woman falls for the personality. A jerk may possess some of these qualities that are seductive to women (dangerous, alpha male, charming, high social intelligence, thrill seeking, rebel, confident, independent, and unattainable). 

How to graduate from Jerks
1. Time and experience. It may take only a few breakups or a few years for a woman to learn what she truly wants in a mate. A woman will eventually meet and interact with other men who possess the alluring qualities of a bad boy coupled with the good guy qualities.

2. Age and situation. In high school/college/twenties, women don't see anything wrong with dating a jerk. But as she enters her career and starts looking for a serious relationship; bad boys won't match up to her standards. The snide comments, drama, late night drinking, constant fights, lying, cheating, unsupportive partner, and so on will no longer hold it's appeal. But in her teens and twenties it was fun but now it's just wrong.

3. Therapy. For some girls who know they are jerk addicts, they need some help to get over bad relationships. There's an array of reasons a woman becomes an addict some include lack of love from parents, abuse, rejection from peers and opposite sex growing up, low self-esteem, and etc. 

4. Find the right guy. Enter knight on white horse! Sometimes it just takes meeting and dating the right man to cure a woman forever from her bad habits. It's the realization that one can get everything in a loving relationship without the negatives; it's the ultimate of 'ah ha' moments. 

For the 'Nice Guys'
1. Be more dominant. Don't be a doormat, stand up to women. They want someone to be their equal and take control sometimes. Stand up for yourself and she will respect you!

2. Don't be too easy. Make it a challenge for the women. Keep them guessing and they will continue to be attracted. If you make it too easy they will assume you aren't worth dating. 

3. Be patient. Understand that women fall for personalities not looks, so she won't necessarily be head over heels in the beginning. Even if you 'know' she's perfect for you don't be discouraged if it takes her longer to see you the same way. Don't smoother her but give her the space she needs to fall for you. 

4. Take the good qualities of a jerk plus your own! If you are more confident, dominant, and challenging PLUS everything that is you; you will be the ultimate man. If you are a good guy at heart and have the sexiness of a bad boy she won't be able to resist. Every woman wants a guy like this, not a jerk. 

5. Stop whining about women. Nice guys witness jerks and bad boys get the girl again and again. Stop being a wimp and jump into the game. Jerks are able to tap into what attracts women, but you can do the same thing without being a horrible person. And most importantly don't blame women for being attracted to something they can't control. You drool over supermodels and stunning women; we get enchanted by James Bond.

*No sources were used in the making of this post, images from Yahoo*

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