History Bootcamp

Visiting important places of history helped put pictures to historical events and feeling into memory. Our journey around England was also a journey through time. The city of Bath was like stepping into the Georgian period. Hampton Court Palace offered a unique look at court life in the Tudor period, 1600s, and 1700s. Jorvick Viking Museum offered an interactive ride through a reconstructed old city of York during the occupation of vikings. The Tower of London gave a glimpse of the sufferings inflicted on those who opposed the crown or ruling power. 

My British experience could also be coined history bootcamp. In our two week 'holiday', as the brits call it, we visited numerous castles, palaces, museums, cathedrals, historic towns/cities, and manors. 

Here is the list of what we accomplished seeing:

The Tower of London     Hampton Court Palace      Stoneacre                     Battle

Westminster Abbey         Changing of the Guard      Ightham Mote              Royal Pavilion

The Queens Gallery        Windsor Castle                  Canterbury Cathedral   Brighton Pier

St. Paul's Cathedral          Eton College                    Dover Castle                Portchester Castle

The British Museum        Leeds Castle                      Rye                              Stonehenge

Roman Bath                    Lacock                            Tintern Abbey              Chepstow Castle

Castle Combe                    Bibury                             Minster Lovell Hall     Oxford

Bourton on the Water        Blenheim palace               Warwick Castle            Stratford Upon Avon

Ludlow                            Stokesey Castle                Little Moreton Hall       Chester

York Minster                   The Treasurer's House     Jorvick Museum            Shrine of Saint Margaret 

Cambridge                       Stamford                          Burford                          Bath

Saffron Walden               Bodiam Castle                  Chichester                     White Cliffs of Dover

Piccadilly Circus             Buckingham Palace          Wye Valley                   Roman Amphitheater 

In following posts I will explore my favorite aspects and interesting observations!

British Food: A royal surprise

First entry for my British Experience
Only fitting that I talk about food first :)


Either by myth or deceit, I was led to believe that British food would be rubbish. I couldn't have been more surprised when both cities and rural villages offered succulent dishes. I would argue that the food I had in England was better than anything I tasted in Italy or France. 

Portion sizes were never excessive like American restaurants. British restaurants never boasted free bread or free pre-food before the entree. It was an adjustment for an ardent carb enthusiast! If one wanted to eat bread before the meal, it would cost about 5 pounds for roughly a few pieces. It was harder waiting for the meal with nothing to munch on, and whenever we ordered bread it was gone in only seconds. 

And I can't say enough about the desserts that glistened in shop windows and taunted me from menus. It was like I died and went to pastry heaven. Our first day in Kent we visited Stoneacre, (built in 1488 and owned by wealthy gentry for centuries), and ate the same cake used for Kate and William's wedding. It was a sticky decadent chocolate bar, not a typical cake. We ended up ordering seconds after my family gobbled down the first piece. 

                                                                       Stoneacre
Although England is known to offer fish and chips at every corner, there were so many other wonderful things to eat I only ate them once. Outside of the city limits, the pubs are the place to sink your teeth in. Stews, handmade sandwiches, garden salads, 'pot pies' of all sorts, steak with 'new potatoes', and sometimes Italian and Indian dishes. Most pubs are more like restaurants than bars; with many dishes to choose from. 

Almost every little village had it's own Italian restaurant. I ate as much Italian as I did British food. The Italian restaurants weren't establishments by British people but owned and run by authentic Italians. Eating the food was like going back to Italy but with some improvements. The true Italian dishes in Italy are a little drier with not as much sauce. But England and America have the same appetite for sauce, so the dishes never seemed bland. 

In London, every street is lined with cafes and coffee shops. The Londoners are more in a hurry than any New Yorker I've met. Cafes offer quick breakfast choices like pre-made sandwiches and scones. Don't order espresso, unless you are fine with having a tablespoon of concentrated caffeine. The espresso in France is the size of a small shot glass, but the English espresso is like a spoonful of medicine. 

                          Pret-A-Manger in London (I'm in the pink jacket)
After the third day, we stayed in consecutive Bed and Breakfasts as we toured around England. Our first Bed and Breakfast was in Faversham, Kent. On the morning of June 16th, we had our first Full English breakfast. Full English breakfast includes fried egg, bacon, sausage, mushrooms, baked beans, slice of tomato, and toast. It was so delicious and filling. But as the trip wore on we got the same menu at every bed and breakfast. There was no variation and soon we became sick of the Full English breakfast. 

                                               Brendley Farm in Faversham
I rate the food in England (Kent, Essex, Midlands, Yorkshire, and London) and Wales FIVE STARS!

*no sources were used in the making of this post

Are we treating Celebrities like Royalty?

I'm not a fan of our country's obsession with celebrities. But I should also acknowledge that I do LOVE reading gossip about them from time to time. The country's fixation on people in the spotlight is not a new phenomenon but seems to be imbedded in human history.

                                                            (Prince Charles and Cheryl Cole above)
Every great civilization, big or small, has been intrigued by people of power and position. One only has to flip through the pages of history to see that the rulers, warriors, popes, wealthy, and great thinkers monopolize the focus. The people who have the power and influence to change and shape history will always be distinguished amongst others. They are the ones who make a significant mark in their world, and if they are lucky, remembered in history. NOT all figures of history earned their prominent position, some were just born into great power.

Nothing seems more unfair as people earning their spot in society for having the right 'pedigree'. haha

Our ancestors immigrated to America to escape a world which gave all the advantages and opportunities to people born to wealthy/noble families. America offered a land free of a caste system and a chance for people of talent/ambition/vision to make their way regardless of their last name.

BUT in the last few decades our country has given more reverence and respect to those born to celebrities and the wealthy. The media and paparazzi are consumed with watching children of hollywood stars. Even a lot of huge hollywood stars today got their first break because of having a famous parent. Examples (Angelina Jolie, Miley Cyrus, Liz Minnelli, Liv Tyler, Carrie Fisher, Michael Douglas, Jamie Lee Curtis, Drew Barrymore, Charlie Sheen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson, Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, and so many more) 

(Tom Cruise and daughter Suri)

The enormous attention given to celebrity children has only gotten worse. Celebrities are taking more precautions and steps to protect their brood, but the focus is unavoidable. The media treats celebrity offspring as little 'gods and goddesses'. They become famous even before they become adults. The attention isn't good for the children, but it's also not good for our nation.

(Portrait of Charles I of England's children)

We didn't leave Europe to only create a new caste system in the new land. We should continue to give credit and recognition where it is truly deserved.  Sure children of wealthy and powerful will have more opportunities than others but they shouldn't be lifted up by our society. A person should EARN their position in the spotlight not be born into it. Our nation was the first to step into the light but we are slowly regressing back to 'believing' those born of privilege are better.

Or we could continue placing people like Paris Hilton on pedestals....


-Mud


*no sources were used in the making of this post, pictures from yahoo*

Do we give Men all the Power?

Gah it's so frustrating, so I had to blog about it to feel better. Some women give the power in the relationship to men so freely. Many women will get really upset by this post, but it's the truth. Today women will date and live with men for years and not get a marriage proposal and then later be dumped for a younger and more attractive version. We have won our rights and our niche in the working world, but are we demanding respect in our relationships as well? 

Women make it too easy for men. Guys are simple creatures and if they can have the milk for free they will never buy the cow. What's worse is women are paranoid not to 'scare off' their men by seeming too eager to make serious commitments. What kind of world do we live in? Women are more worried about not being seen as psycho/crazy/clingly than insist on respect (for whatever stage the relationship is at). 

If a woman doesn't demand respect she will not receive it. The women who do expect to be treated like a goddess are more sought after than women who will be doormats. And the women who bend over backwards for men don't understand why they don't get what they want in return. 

Men are being held up on pedestals by women because they are afraid of being left in the dust for another woman. The options today in our world seem endless, divorce is more common, people have kids out of wedlock, men are accustomed to having multiple partners, and society doesn't hold high moral standards for men anymore. So, I suspect women inherently are more concerned about keeping their men around. But the key to holding a man is having his respect and love. It isn't about being compliant; it's about having balls. 

The sad truth is that jerks treat women poorly because they find success in treating them that way. Women make jerks, jerks are not born. Men respond to what women like. Human behavior is shaped by positive and also negative reinforcement. If all women wanted guys with blue hair every guy in the world would dye their hair blue tomorrow. Why do guys wear tight pants and sing with a girlie voice in front of millions of people? Not because they think it's cool (they do) but because girls respond to it. If every girl were to stop being attracted to rockstars men would pick up on that and do something else. In the middle ages, men wore really long pointy shoes because women believed that it meant their 'members' were longer and thus more attractive. Jersey shore guys spike their hair up and go tanning to get the jersey chicks. Men are biologically programmed to do whatever it takes to get women. And the process of courting hasn't changed much since we swung in trees, we just dress it up a little. 

Congratulations to us, we mold what men do! So, our micro interactions with men in our lives has a cascade effect in how they treat other women. The problems we face with men were either created by old relationships or shaped in childhood/by society. We have more power than we give ourselves credit for. Some of us just don't use it to its full advantage. We can't change men directly but we can change how they treat and interact with us. And if a man refuses to be respectful to a lady then well NEXT! 


A Woman Every Man Respects

1. Never allow men to date other women when committed
2. Have her equal say from little to big decisions (what toilet paper to buy and where to live)
3. Be proposed to when they are serious for a few years, old enough, and financially secure
4. Talk about where the relationship is heading and set time limits
5. Informs her man when he is out of line or wrong about something
6. Not afraid to voice her opinion on any matter
7. Must be courted !!
8. Requires romance at every stage of the relationship
9. Is treated with respect and reverence 
10. The man puts his lady first, and she in return does the same
11. The man keeps his lady in the loop of all events and decisions once they are serious and committed 
12. Open communication about feelings and emotions
13. Is treated as an equal


*no sources were used in the making of this post, photos from yahoo*

Why Women Love Jerks

The mystery of all mysteries; why women love jerks. It's as confusing and frustrating for the women as it is for the nice guys. The qualities that women want/need don't always match up to what they pick in life. Guys need to give girls a break because it takes experience and maturity for 'anyone' to find their right path. Men complain incessantly that all women love the jerks, but all men are attracted to the simple-minded hot girls. The two problems are roots from the same tree. A woman is attracted to a jerk the same way a guy is attracted to a gorgeous girl. So, the next time a guy complains about women always dating douches, remind them they are attracted to beautiful bimbos as well. 

I know a lot of friends who never struggled with liking the bad boys, but they must have super powers or something (right!). For many of us, we were launched into the dating world with little knowledge to arm us. But we can't learn the big lessons vicariously through others, it takes our own experiences to mature and grow as individuals. So, my point is that dating the bad boys is part of our path to our ultimate dream man. BUT don't make it a habit to only date bad boys, because at some point you become a 'jerk addict'. There isn't a rule of thumb to measure if a woman is just innocently dabbling with bad boys or dangerously hooked. Only a woman can know for herself if she is experimenting or flailing. 


My post is in defense of all women who have dated or are currently dating a jerk. There are many reasons why women are very attracted to jerks. But with maturity and experience a woman will find she needs more from a man than a jerk can provide. Just the same way men discover that pretty faces with hollow heads aren't someone they can spend their life with. 


What is Attractive about Jerks?

1. The relationship is highly addictive. The highs are extremely high and the lows are debilitatingly low. She loves the roller coaster ride she gets with being with a man whom she can't predict and can't control. The same addiction can be seen with drug addicts and gamblers. The problem is different but the concept is the same. If you find yourself bored by 'nice guys' it's probably because you want the thrill of the chase and the uncertainty of his love. 


2. They come off as confident and dominant. Two qualities that women instinctively look for in a mate. But not all jerks are truly confident, but even the pseudo-confidence is enough to swoon a woman. A woman wants a man who will stand up to her and not be submissive. And jerks will never be doormats. 


3. The Challenge. A woman loves wondering and thinking about another man. A jerk can keep a woman's attention for long periods of time because he poses a conundrum to her. This is especially attractive to beautiful girls who are used to guys falling all over them. Our brains interpret anything that isn't easy to obtain as something worth securing and keeping. 


4. Women fall for personalties not bodies. Sure a Brad Pitt will win the ladies but if he has an unattractive personality he won't be successful. A man will see a beautiful woman and fall in love but a woman falls for the personality. A jerk may possess some of these qualities that are seductive to women (dangerous, alpha male, charming, high social intelligence, thrill seeking, rebel, confident, independent, and unattainable). 


How to graduate from Jerks

1. Time and experience. It may take only a few breakups or a few years for a woman to learn what she truly wants in a mate. A woman will eventually meet and interact with other men who possess the alluring qualities of a bad boy coupled with the good guy qualities.


2. Age and situation. In high school/college/twenties, women don't see anything wrong with dating a jerk. But as she enters her career and starts looking for a serious relationship; bad boys won't match up to her standards. The snide comments, drama, late night drinking, constant fights, lying, cheating, unsupportive partner, and so on will no longer hold it's appeal. But in her teens and twenties it was fun but now it's just wrong.


3. Therapy. For some girls who know they are jerk addicts, they need some help to get over bad relationships. There's an array of reasons a woman becomes an addict some include lack of love from parents, abuse, rejection from peers and opposite sex growing up, low self-esteem, and etc. 


4. Find the right guy. Enter knight on white horse! Sometimes it just takes meeting and dating the right man to cure a woman forever from her bad habits. It's the realization that one can get everything in a loving relationship without the negatives; it's the ultimate of 'ah ha' moments. 


For the 'Nice Guys'

1. Be more dominant. Don't be a doormat, stand up to women. They want someone to be their equal and take control sometimes. Stand up for yourself and she will respect you!


2. Don't be too easy. Make it a challenge for the women. Keep them guessing and they will continue to be attracted. If you make it too easy they will assume you aren't worth dating. 


3. Be patient. Understand that women fall for personalities not looks, so she won't necessarily be head over heels in the beginning. Even if you 'know' she's perfect for you don't be discouraged if it takes her longer to see you the same way. Don't smoother her but give her the space she needs to fall for you. 


4. Take the good qualities of a jerk plus your own! If you are more confident, dominant, and challenging PLUS everything that is you; you will be the ultimate man. If you are a good guy at heart and have the sexiness of a bad boy she won't be able to resist. Every woman wants a guy like this, not a jerk. 


5. Stop whining about women. Nice guys witness jerks and bad boys get the girl again and again. Stop being a wimp and jump into the game. Jerks are able to tap into what attracts women, but you can do the same thing without being a horrible person. And most importantly don't blame women for being attracted to something they can't control. You drool over supermodels and stunning women; we get enchanted by James Bond.


*No sources were used in the making of this post, images from Yahoo*

What We Really Think of Your Wedding

Community celebrations and family/friend reunions have drastically dwindled even in the face of wireless communication and advances in transportation. So today, weddings not only tie two people together but 'coerce' people to drop their work responsibilities/never ending excuses/hectic lives to come together. Weddings are better at bringing people together than high school reunions, birthdays, and funerals. Therefore, it's crucial for brides and grooms to put on a great wedding.


Weddings aren't just a time for celebration and memories but also a place for the event/couple evaluation. Like any social function, the hosts have the chance to show-off and gloat but also place themselves in the spotlight for scrutiny. And the sharpest critics in the crowd will be the unmarried women. Weddings bring an array of mixed feelings for them, and it all depends on the atmosphere of the event coupled with their current situation. But the bride and groom shouldn't feel overly self-conscious because people are also judging themselves at weddings. Weddings bring hidden feelings and thoughts to the forefront for unmarried women. So, this post is dedicated to all the unmarried women who participate/attend weddings and the ups and downs the celebration will bring!


What 20/30 something unmarried women are thinking about YOU and your wedding

1. If you're going to have a cheap wedding...elope or get married in Vegas. I'm going to have to order pizza and wine after this
2. The dress (does she look amazing or totally wrong)
3. This place is full of OLD PEOPLE - what the heck- why did I buy new shoes
4. Why wasn't I a bridesmaid? She picked her, really??!!!
5. One less friend to go hit the town with
6. She's/he's not even that GREAT!!!
7. Drinking orange juice, this is a Shotgun wedding! 
8. Never thought she would fall for a guy like him
9. Man why couldn't she have married a guy with hot friends
10. Wow can't believe she's throwing her career/ambitions away
11. I'm going to have a much better wedding
12. What they're religious? 

13. She's so pretty...I need to start working out and eating right

14. Oh sure the world revolves around getting the two of you hitched

15. Wow how much money did they spend on this wedding?
16. Her whole family is full of gorgeous people. Jealous all their pictures are going to be perfect
17. You're creepy uncle keeps watching me
18. You're a bridesmaid not a celebrity
19. I need to marry a rich man too...
20. Cheap champagne

21. Who was the wedding planner? I need their number

22. Photographers get out of my face!!
23. She better not fall off the map now that she's married
24. This is the BEST WEDDING EVER
25. They are perfect for each other


What she reflects about in this situation...

1. Ideas for their future wedding (flower arrangements, cake, gown, guest book, etc)

2. One less man in the dating pool gone FOREVER

3. Comparing her dating situation with the current 'fairytale' before her eyes (either she sees her jerk in a new light or her singledom as less attractive)

4. Apartment presents (perfect way to get all her dream dishes and kitchen appliances)

5. Reanalyzes her life (I still live with roommates/stuck in an internship/hasn't been on a vacation in years)

6. Romance is still alive, there's hope for me
7. My bf/fiance better be as sweet at my wedding as this groom!
8. Ex-boyfriend alert; dance with the hottest guy here
9. Ah yeah, I'm the hottest bridesmaid - this is my night
10. Where's my Mr. Big?
11. Umm I barely made it here on time; I'm definitely not ready to get married
12. Aw guys do have feelings
13. Stop trying to match me with a guy; I'm single not pathetic
14. That little girl better not get in my way of catching the bouquet
15. My grandma/grandpa will never see me get married
16. The only day out of the year, (besides Valentine's Day), people try making you feel bad for being single
17. Yes I'm successful and happy
18. I'm getting old!!!
19. I don't need a man I need another piece of the cake
20. She better help me at my wedding as much as I helped her
21. I don't know what to say for my speech at the reception
22. Totally worth dieting for two months prior
23. The bridesmaid dress makes me look fat in photos
24. Half the groomsmen are married...what the heck
25. I'll never find my Mr. Right!


How to make a 20/30 something woman love and enjoy YOUR wedding

1. Don't put your single girlfriends at the 'all singles table'. Mix them in with other tables. Otherwise they will feel singled out. 
2. Invite an array of age groups 
3. Put extra time into making the venue look spectacular. The place and atmosphere of the reception can be the reason for a flop or a hit
4. Organize group pictures with college/high school friends. That way they won't feel left out compared to the focus on family members
5. Try introducing people at the wedding to each other as much as possible. Especially those who only know a few people
6. Have a lot of food and alcohol. The worst thing that can happen is having leftovers!
7. Set up a table with pictures of you(bride and groom) with friends and family that are attending. That way it's not only about you and your husband but also about your relationships to the people in your life
8. Make sure everyone feels appreciated for traveling to your wedding and getting you a gift (no matter how little they spent on you)
9. Have a fun bachelorette party (don't need to go crazy but don't act like you're a nun)


*no sources were used in the making of this post, pictures from Yahoo*

Staying Clear of Summer Relationship Fizzle

CRAZY statistics that prove everyone's fears about certain times of the year for break-ups! I found an amazing website, mathiasmikkelsen, which displayed data from 10,000 facebook relationship status updates. The data could be argued to be skewed since it only takes into account facebook users, but it's still quite intriguing. I would love to see some more statistical analysis done on this subject!

The data above shows that:
1. Most breakups are spring break and right before the winter holidays
2. Christmas is the lowest day of break-ups! Well THANK goodness
3. Peaks in June and July
4. April Fool's Day. BUT facebookers were probably pulling pranks
5. Weeks leading up to Valentine's Day and the Day itself have high rates
6. Mondays are the most typical day of the week for a break-up to be announced
7. Low months are August, September, and October


So, I wrote this post because I'm newly embarking on a long distance relationship AND the summer months are approaching. Why do the summer months bring an upswing of break-ups and how does one avoid it?


Reasons for Summer Fizzle

1. Couples being apart in the summer months (school year is over and or summer job takes a person somewhere new)
2. More options are visible (meeting new people, guys with their shirts off, girls in bikinis)
3. Being single becomes more attractive (vacations, summer activities, parties)
4. Less fear of being alone (people are not isolated or housebound anymore, friends/family are more available)
5. Wedding Season (couples 'realistically or unrealistically' comparing themselves to the idealized married love-birds)


How to Beat the Statistics

1. Having a strong relationship going into the summer months is important. If there are any pressing issues talk about them! Discuss how to work through being apart in the summer, make a plan, and be supportive of each other.


2. Give your bf/gf some space/freedom. Let them go camping the the guys or go party with the girls. Holding them back may push them over the edge to throw you overboard.


3. Do summer activities together. Organize a camping trip with friends, hike to a hotsprings, buy tickets to a concert, go boating, and etc. Make your summer more fun than as it was when you were single.


4. Get into shape! Being in a relationship sometimes means gaining a few extra pounds instead of hitting the gym when you were single. Change that and make yourself look good for your lover. He/she will love showing you off at the bonfire!


5. Make special memories. Don't skimp on doing romantic things because routines have changed. Best part of the summer are the endless amounts of activities and adventures that can be experienced! Swim in the dark alone, make summer drinks together, gaze at the stars on the dock, cuddle up to the spectacular firework show on 4th of July.

*sources: 'Amazing Facts about Facebook and Break-ups' @ http://mathiasmikkelsen.com and yahoo images*

Avoiding the Friend Zone

Nothing is more terrible than being friends with your dream guy/girl and someone else steals their heart. If a person can't master the art of attraction they are doomed to be overlooked by the opposite sex time and time again. Getting out of the friend zone is accomplished by breaking bad dating patterns. It takes some work but the rewards are well worth it! 

*Cardinal Rule #2 Don't be in the Friend Zone*


This problem has deep roots in our society, heck there's a wonderfully hilarious movie, Just Friends, that revolves around it. Countless songs, shows, and movies tackle this issue. BECAUSE at one point or another we have or will experience the pain of being demoted to friend zone. Most people will live the pain in their early youth while they are still maturing. But for the unlucky few, the problem won't disappear when the hormones stop raging. Sometimes it can take one bad break-up, later in life, to make a person lose their way down this dead-end road. But fortunately, there is a cure! Oprah and Tyra! Just joking. But yes a little self help and self discovery is all that a person needs to get back on the right track and away from being overlooked by the opposite sex. 


Reasons why people fall into the Loveless Hell Hole

1. Insecurity. Such an ugly word, but yes a person who doesn't step up to the plate is dealing with issues which keep them rooted in a loveless limbo. Insecurity can stem from inexperience, immaturity, past rejection/failure, and uncertainty of one's path. 


2. Self Defense. It's 'safer' to not take the chance, make yourself noticed, and or heard by the object of your affection. Never taking the risk means never getting hurt, and thus it's a safer zone. It's a cowardly move people use to avoid the pitfalls of living life. 


3. Push Over. I can't emphasize this enough but people who don't stand up for themselves are doomed to be trampled on their entire lives. Being assertive is far more attractive than being submissive to the opposite sex. 


4. Fear. People are afraid to put their emotions/heart/love out there. Fear of rejection can be a powerful thing. And fear alone can prevent a person from snagging a wonderful bf/gf/wife/husband. 


5. Lack of Confidence. Some people take until college to build up their confidence, some sooner, and some much later. But the opposite sex can smell the lack of confidence from a mile away. It's one of the biggest turn-offs and deal breakers!


How To Get OUT of the Friend Zone!!!!

1. Wake up every day envisioning yourself as someone the opposite sex would KILL to date. As you're brushing your teeth say to yourself 'I'm Hot, no SEXY, that loser across the hall doesn't stand a chance if I walk in the room'. Pump yourself up before you know you'll meet and talk to the opposite sex. Play that Britney Spears or Lady Gaga song that drives up your confidence. 


2. Be bold. Don't be shy about standing out or saying how you feel. Even if you sound like a complete dork at least you will come off as a confident dork. And some dork in that party will dig it :) haha. 


3. Be humorous. Nothing is sexier or more proof of confidence than a witty/funny person. 


4. Focus on your strengths and improve your weaknesses. If you are an excellent chef, smart, great basketball player, and etc capitalize on that. Take pride in what you excel at and don't be afraid to show off a little to the boys or ladies. They will secretly dig it, if it's just subtle enough. And in areas that need work find people who are experts. Talk to them, watch them, and learn. Just improving a little will boost your confidence. And your crush will notice!


5. Become less available to your crush (if you have been overlooked for awhile). You may have been at their every beck and call BUT that was the old you. New you is sexy and AWESOME. The new you is the person the crush will be asking their other unfortunate 'friend zone victims' about. 


6. Identify why you put yourself in the friend zone. Have serious heart to hearts with yourself to understand where this came from. And once you find the source/sources work to resolve and improve it. Having issues isn't a sign of weakness but not facing them is! If some of the issues are too hard to work on by yourself don't be ashamed about talking to a therapist. 


7. Put yourself first. If you are a good girl/guy DON'T be too nice. If you allow the other person to walk all over you they will lose respect. Gain your respect back. It's not about being an asshole but having self respect. A girl/guy will continue to treat you badly if you allow them to. Of course they shouldn't abuse you, but people will take advantage of a very nice person. Even friends and family will. So be assertive in every aspect of your life and in every relationship!


8. Be mysterious. Don't make it obvious that you are crazy about your crush. Make them wonder a little. Make them see that there's more to you than meets the eye. 


9. Practice, practice, practice. If you haven't mastered the art of avoiding the sink hole of the friend zone it's probably good to get some experience. It would be good to take advantage of guy/girl nights out for test runs. Get your confidence up by putting your moves to the test. Try new approaches, take suggestions, and be inventive. See what fits you and then perfect. Something doesn't work, brush it off and try something else. 


10. Believe. Have faith that you can overcome anything that you put your mind to. Same thing goes for being negative. If you believe you are a loser, then you probably will be. The mind is a powerful thing, don't underestimate what you can overcome or achieve. If you don't believe in yourself then you will set yourself up for a long life of unhappiness. 


*no sources were used in the making of this post except photos from Yahoo*

How to Survive a Long-Distance Relationship

As of this week, my boyfriend and I are going to be living in different states for almost 3 years! My bf landed a job in Alaska and I am staying behind, in the 'lower 48', to apply for spring 2013 nursing programs. His job will be two-three weeks on with 1-2 weeks off, which makes it easier for him to fly down and visit me. I decided not to move up to Anchorage, (before my program starts), because I need to be close for program interviews in the fall. Depending on the program I get accepted into, I will be going to school between 18 months (accelerated program for a previous bachelor's degree) or 2 years (normal duration of a nursing program). So, in conclusion we are embarking on a long distance relationship.

We've been a couple since January 2011, but the road ahead of us is miles longer than what we've covered together already. So, naturally I want to research how to survive a long distance relationship, what to expect, and how to make this work. And any advice or suggestions from experience would be greatly appreciated!

As I was reading helpful websites and articles about long distance relationships there are many things that I found extremely valuable!


*Collaboration of sources*


1. Discuss where the relationship is (exclusive, open, engaged, etc) 
2. Make it clear what will result after the time apart is finally over (who moves, where are you moving, getting married?, getting engaged?, living together?, etc)
3. Make communication consistent but not ridiculous. Keep each other in the loop of each other's lives but don't miss out on having a normal life outside the long distance relationship.
4. Set boundaries! (how many visits, who travels, where does person stay when visiting, holidays, etc)
5. Be patient and trust each other. Learn to trust the other while apart is key. Don't cause drama because you are worried or insecure. Instead find ways to work around these issues.

6. Make the time spent together count. Plan fun activities and take pictures. 
7. Be vocal about all your worries/concerns/frustrations/anger/sadness/etc. Long distance relationships are hard but the killer is lack of communication. If you talk about feelings and moods through the journey it will be easier on the both of you. 
8. Give each other a break. Which means don't get upset if you can't talk for a day or two. Don't jump to conclusions if you can't get ahold of your bf/gf. Give your sweetie the benefit of the doubt unless evidence proves otherwise.
9. Find ways to cope with your anger/frustrations/sadness/loneliness. Go to the gym, talk to your friends, pick up a new hobby, talk to a therapist, and etc. 
10. Look for the joy in each day. There will be days that are harder than others. But remember that life is more than just being with you bf/gf all the time. Take joy in hanging with friends, watching a football game, spending time with family, and etc. If you can't be happy without your love then you will miss out on life around you!


If you are going to be long distance for a few months to a few years here are some great ideas to make the time apart not so hard! Check it out!


*My ideas in blue and source in black*

1. Make each other something! My bf and I went to a cute store called Wild@Art where you paint pottery. We made a date of it and personalized mugs for each other to have while we are apart.
2. Watch movies 'together'. Watch Netflix online or on your TV the same time. Have your phone on speaker to laugh and talk along with the show.
3. Write each other letters. Old fashion but a great way for each of you to stay connected in a different way. Plus he/she will be able to read things like 'I love you' over and over again :)
4. Play a game together. Get games connected through your phone or computer that you can play like 'Words with Friends'. 
5. Cut out words from newspapers and glue them as a message in a letter to your sweetie. Make funny, strange, or heartwarming ones! Extra points would be cutting out odd articles you find and mail them to your bf/gf. 
6. Read a book together. Find a common genre you share with your sweetie and have your own weekly bookclub!
7. Create a blog or website. I'm doing this right now haha. But it's a great way to vent about frustrations and also keep your lover a click away. 
8. Send email capsules. Futureme.org allows users to send emails into the future. Just create the message and set the date. This would be helpful for date milestones. You can email wishes, hopes, and issues the two of you are facing and see if things have changed when you receive it. 
9. Make each month a certain theme. All of June you send each other pictures of cats in strange places, July email youtube videos, September try to out do each other with jokes you find online, October text a favorite memory together every day, December send each other recipes, February watch X-rated foreign films, April competition of most parks visited, and etc. 
10. Create an online calendar. Mark visit dates, unavailable dates to talk, and etc. 
11. Send pictures of you in different places and doing different activities. Take a picture walking your dog, going to the grocery store, painting your toes, cleaning the car, giving money to a bum, and etc.
12. Take online relationship quizzes together. Find silly and serious ones and laugh or 'ponder' the results.
13. Send a care package every few months. Extra points would be having odd requirements (scavenger hunt of sending something soft, something blue, something like you, and etc). 
14. Plan fun things to do together on the next visit. Researching and planning fun and exciting things will keep the wait a little bit easier. 
15. Quiz your bf/gf on yourself. Send an email with multiple choice questions! Extra points if you learn something new about your sweetie! Extra-extra points if the 'winner' takes the other one out to dinner on the next visit. 
16. Do a scavenger hunt at a Dollar Store. Have a long list to complete in 30 minutes and take pictures of the items you find. Example list:
              *something that reminds me of you
              *something that i would take camping
              *something that we have eaten together
              *something that's embarrassing 
              *something Orange
And then compare!


*sources: lovingfromadistance.com, 'how to survive a long distance relationship' by Chris Bower, '10 reasons Long-Distance Relationships are Awesome' by thestir.cafemom.com, and images from Yahoo*